Understanding Childhood Trauma
Childhood is idealized as a time of innocence and play. A time when we were safe and cared for, under the protection of loved ones. But for far too many, the early years are anything but nurturing.
Childhood trauma refers to distressing or harmful events experienced when we’re young (before the age of 18)—before we’ve developed the ability to cope. After all, we’re only kids. We’re not talking about negative memories—which everyone has. Rather, these damaging experiences shape everything from brain development to emotional patterns, physical health, and relationships.
Indeed, childhood trauma can leave a deep and lasting emotional imprint, sometimes well into adulthood.
What Is Childhood Trauma?
Childhood trauma can take many forms. It can involve emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. It can also result from neglect—physical, such as a lack of food, shelter, or hygiene, or emotional, including a lack of attention or validation. It can even happen from witnessing violence or other disturbing images, especially in the home. It can also stem from household instability. From divorce to addiction to a parent or family member’s incarceration to untreated mental illness in the home—or a combination of any of the above. The loss of a caregiver, due to death, divorce, or abandonment, can also be deeply traumatic for a child.
Even events that adults may consider minor, such as repeated bullying, humiliation, rejection, or a parent’s unavailability, can leave a child feeling vulnerable or traumatized. In short, childhood trauma can come in many forms. Some are more obvious. Others are more subtle. But that doesn’t make them less harmful.
In fact, what makes something traumatic isn’t necessarily the event itself. It’s how it’s experienced. If a child feels frightened, unsafe, helpless, or unsupported, either during or after the event, it can register as trauma. And if these feelings are repeated or prolonged—especially when they come from those we depend on—it can lead the brain to adapt in ways that help the child survive in the moment. Yet they often cause pain and disconnection later in life.
The ACEs Framework
A helpful way to understand the types of trauma a child might experience is known as the Adverse Childhood Experiences or ACEs framework. Originally developed by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente, it identifies ten major types of childhood adversity, falling within three main categories:
- Abuse, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse.
- Neglect, both physical and emotional
- Household dysfunction, including domestic violence, substance abuse, mental illness in the household, divorce or separation, and an incarcerated family member.
These experiences don’t just impact a child as they happen. They shape brain development, nervous system regulation, emotional patterns, and even long-term health. In addition, the more ACEs a person has, the higher their risk of future issues. Studies, for example, found that these experiences increase the risk of depression, anxiety, PTSD, and substance abuse.
While trauma can happen to anyone, certain risk factors do increase the likelihood of a child experiencing adversity, such as:
- Living in poverty or areas with high community violence
- Exposure to unstable housing or food insecurity
- Parental separation or incarceration
- Having a caregiver with an untreated mental illness or substance abuse disorder
- Belonging to a marginalized or oppressed community.
Family dynamics also play a significant role. Children raised in homes where there is emotional distance, inconsistent caregiving, abuse, or high conflict may be more susceptible to trauma. This is true even if the experiences don’t appear to be overtly violent. In some cases, the trauma stems from what didn’t happen. That is, a lack of affection, emotional validation, or being seen and heard.
As one person shared, “I grew up normalizing some weird stuff—emotional neglect, my dad’s dominance, coercion of my mom… leading to complex CPTSD.”
Cultural and community influences can shape how trauma is perceived. And even whether it’s recognized at all. In some cultures, emotional suffering is minimized. Kids (and adults) are just expected to toughen up and not talk about the pain.
Gender roles may discourage boys from expressing fear or sadness. And girls who speak out against abuse may be stigmatized.
For many, trauma is compounded by the sense, “this is just the way things are.” When your reality is never questioned, it becomes normal for you. Until, as one survivor described, “I dated someone from a loving home and realized how truly horrible my childhood was.”
How Trauma Shows Up: Then and Now
In childhood, trauma can cause a wide range of emotional and physical responses. For instance, kids may withdraw or become clingy, act out aggressively, seem unusually quiet, struggle to concentrate or succeed in school, experience headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue, or feel overly responsible, ashamed, or afraid.
And you don’t just outgrow these effects. Many adults later find themselves battling not only anxiety or depression but chronic health issues or trouble in relationships without realizing these are trauma responses rooted in childhood.
One man shared, “I managed to get through my 20s relatively well… but in my 30s, I started experiencing depression, emotional dysregulation, social withdrawal, and intense anxiety. It all culminated when I had to leave work because I could no longer function.”
Others reflect on how trauma was so normalized that they didn’t even realize it was trauma at all. “I thought they were just funny stories I told friends,” one woman said. “Healing has been the hardest part. I feel so much more anger and sadness now that I’ve allowed myself to feel.”
Some common emotional and behavioral patterns that stem from childhood trauma include:
- Constantly apologizing or people pleasing
- Fear of conflict or the inability to express needs
- Emotional numbness, detachment, or inability to feel joy
- Struggles with boundaries, which can lead to a tendency to fall into toxic or even abusive relationships
- Perfectionism or relentless self-criticism
- Feeling like an empty cup after trying to hold everything together for so dang long.
One woman described having “no memory of childhood. Anger issues. No tolerance for anything less than perfect. I always feel like a failure, like I don’t deserve to take up space.”
The long-term effects of this untreated, unresolved trauma don’t just affect emotions, either. Indeed, they can take a toll on physical health, too, from autoimmune conditions to digestive issues to sleep disorders to chronic pain or fatigue.
One person shared, “My health began to decline when I was about 11 years old. Now I deal with anxiety, PTSD, and autoimmune issues. It’s really tough.”
These effects aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs of adaptation. The brain learns to cope with trauma the best way it can. However, those same survival tools—such as shutting down, staying hyper-alert, or avoiding closeness—can make adulthood feel like a minefield.
Childhood Trauma Is Common, But So Is Hope
If any of the above sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Far from it. According to the CDC, about one in six adults has experienced four or more ACEs. In other words, childhood trauma is far more common than many realize, and it doesn’t discriminate. It affects folks of every race, gender, socioeconomic level, and background.
The good news is that trauma is not a life sentence. Yes, the effects can be long-lasting, but they are irreversible. Understanding your pain and where it comes from is a powerful step. Healing is possible, especially with access to the right tools, support, guidance, and compassion. Whether from a clear memory or buried under years of survival mode, trauma can be gently transformed as you become more resilient.
The Healing Journey: Stages and Strategies
Healing from childhood trauma, or any trauma, for that matter, can be a long, winding, deeply personal journey. And it often unfolds in stages, with each stage having its challenges as well as opportunities for growth and healing. While no paths are exactly the same, many survivors move through four foundational stages: safety, remembrance, reconnection, and integration, not necessarily in that order.
Same stages may be visited more than once (often many times). That’s totally normal. With any trauma, it’s not about “getting over it.” It’s about learning to live with the past in a way that doesn’t control your present.
Step 1: Establishing Safety
First, you need to feel safe. That means creating an environment—physically as well as emotionally—where your nervous system can relax at least a bit.
After living in survival mode for years, our bodies can forget what calmness and safety even feel like. “Even now, I still feel like I’ll be punished if I have an opinion or ask for what I need,” explains one person. That’s a trauma response. And it takes time (along with support) to unravel.
To help build safety, you’ll want to surround yourself with people who respect you and your boundaries. Yes, you’ll want those to be people you trust. But you’ll also need to set and enforce boundaries with yourself as well as others.
You’ll also want to take steps to calm your nervous system. For instance, grounding techniques such as deep breathing, taking nature walks, or engaging in gentle movement, can help you relax. It’s also important to create a space at home that’s predictable as well as comforting.
Finally, working with a trauma-informed therapist can make you feel seen and supported. They can also provide additional tools as you work through the process.
Step 2: Remember
Once some level of safety has been established (it doesn’t have to be perfect), many survivors begin to remember and process their trauma. This can be the most intense and painful stage, but it can also be the most freeing.
Some memories may seem crystal clear. Others may come in fragments or dreams. Or you may feel body sensations. Many survivors feel confused or even angry during this stage. As one person put it, “Healing is the absolute worst!”
As you work through this stage, consider journaling or using other creative outlets, such as art, music, or poetry, to express your experiences, emotions, and bodily sensations, naming and validating your truth without judgment. Grief may surface. That’s okay. Part of the process is mourning the innocent, playful childhood you deserved.
Again, you don’t need to go it alone. In fact, this stage is best navigated with professional, personalized guidance.
Step 3: Reconnection
Trauma often disconnects us from ourselves and others. This stage involves slowly rebuilding trust, intimacy, and relationships and may include discovering or redefining who you are and what you truly enjoy.
One man reflected, “Externally, I appear composed and successful. Internally, I’m constantly seeking validation. I feel empty.” Reconnection helps fill that internal emptiness with self-worth rather than performance or perfectionism.
During this phase, it’s important to explore yourself beyond your trauma—new hobbies, dreams, and even values. It can also help to reconnect with your body through somatic practices or mindful movement. As you do so, remember to practice self-compassion.
Again, don’t go it alone. Join peer support groups or trauma-informed communities and experiment with new social experiences (starting with small, safe steps, of course).
Step 4: Integration
Integration doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. Rather, it’s making peace with it. In this stage, the trauma becomes part of your story, rather than the whole story. So, it no longer dominates your life or decisions.
Yes, you may still have triggers. But you’ll also have tools to recognize when you’re being pulled back into survival mode, when it’s time to reach out for help, and how to soothe your emotions healthfully.
As one survivor shared, “I’ve been working on this trauma. The validation has been so incredibly freeing. I’ve never been able to connect the dots so clearly or felt so seen.”
As you work through this integration, continue working with trusted professionals as needed. Reflect on how far you’ve come, how much you’ve learned, and celebrate the strength it took to survive and the courage it took to heal. If it feels right, you can share your story to help others. Continue to imagine and build the future that feels safe, free, and meaningful.
Overcoming Trauma: Therapeutic Approaches
As mentioned above, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for healing. In fact, there are several paths (i.e., therapeutic options) to take. The best option for you will depend on your specific needs, comfort level, and current stage in the journey.
Trauma-Informed Care
One of the most important factors—beyond working with someone you trust—is working with someone who practices trauma-informed care. That means they understand how trauma affects the brain and body, avoid re-traumatization, and emphasize safety, choice, and collaboration.
Trauma-informed care isn’t a specific method. Rather, it’s a lens that allows your therapist or provider to understand how trauma impacts development, behavior, and healing. In turn, they’re able to prioritize emotional safety, empowerment, and trust.
This is key as many trauma survivors have had their boundaries violated. Working with someone who respects your autonomy, offers choices, and moves at your pace is essential.
“A traumatized brain…needs to actually be heard and seen first to process what happened. It needs an outside perspective and permission to feel what it feels, it needs confirmation that what happened was wrong/a big deal because its ability to judge has been damaged… For trauma survivors who need to be held (metaphorically) gently in a safe space, allowed to vent and grieve… would be the best way I would be able to describe it; we need to learn that we’re allowed to exist and take up space!”
With this lens in mind, some of the most commonly used as well as emerging approaches include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT focuses on identifying and reframing unhelpful thought patterns, emotions, and behaviors that developed in response to trauma. While it has big benefits, such as helping manage intrusive thoughts, teaching you to challenge and reframe negative self-belief, and is short-term and structured, it can feel too heady or surface-level for some. It also isn’t always the best tool for deep trauma work or body-based or preverbal trauma.
Still, it’s a great tool for folks who want practical tools and structure as part of a broader plan.
As one person explained, “So far CBT has been such a powerful tool for me that I hope to carry forward for the rest of my life… It helped me recognize when I had negative thoughts, label them, and restructure my thinking to quiet my mind. After every session, I feel a bit more empowered.”
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
EMDR is a technique that helps people process traumatic memories by using guided eye movements or bilateral stimulation. It helps unstick those memories from the brain’s survival center.
While it may sound unusual, there is evidence that trauma therapy EMDR helps, especially for PTSD, leading to faster breakthroughs when people feel stuck. It’s also helpful in that you don’t need to go into graphic detail about the trauma to experience decreases in negative emotions or vividness of disturbing images.
There are some limitations. For instance, not all therapists are certified in trauma therapy EMDR, so it’s important to vet credentials. It can also be intense and disorienting if it’s not paced properly.
That said, it can be life-changing when it works well. “Since starting EMDR more than seven years ago, my life has become completely different. I have CPTSD from a heaping truckload of trauma when I was younger… EMDR was not easy to do, but it changed my life. It showed me empathy for myself that I never thought I would have. The intrusive thoughts are less powerful and I’m able to talk about the trauma without (a lot of) distressing symptoms.”
Somatic Therapy
Somatic therapy, including somatic experiencing and sensorimotor psychotherapy, focuses on the role of the body during trauma. Using breath, movement, and body awareness, it can be used to gently release trapped survival responses (think freeze, fight, or flight).
This type of therapy helps regulate the nervous system and reduce hypervigilance. It can be especially helpful when words are hard to access or memories are vague, as well as for folks who feel disconnected from their bodies or find traditional talk therapy isn’t enough.
“I realized that to actually heal trauma, I need to feel emotions in my body—not just think about them, analyze them, or try to ‘fix’ them with my mind… Trauma resides in the body, and it is there that it must be released,” explains one person.
It does, however, require a highly attuned and skilled therapist as it can feel unfamiliar and even uncomfortable at first.
Ketamine-Assisted Psychotherapy
A new, emerging therapy, ketamine-assisted therapy may offer rapid relief, even from severe depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation in some cases. It appears to have a unique ability to create greater openness, allowing talk therapy to be more effective.
“Ketamine therapy helped me connect with memories I had blocked, mostly and only slightly remembered, and calmly process them…this approach has proven to be incredibly helpful in my recovery from complex PTSD,” shares one patient.
It should always be done under close supervision, though, with a trained and ethical provider as there can be side effects. It’s also not for everyone or every mental health or medical condition. That said, when used carefully and appropriately, it can be beneficial for some people.
If you’ve tried therapy in the past but don’t feel as if it helped (or helped enough) or even worse, if you feel as if it retraumatized you, you’re not alone. However, it may be due to the type of therapy or that the therapist just wasn’t the right fit for you. Remember, therapy should never feel like a punishment. It should feel like support. Your therapist is simply there to guide, witness, and provide helpful tools and resources.
As one survivor shared, “I thought I was broken because I wasn’t getting better. But I just hadn’t found the right kind of help yet.”
The Role of Support Systems in Recovery
Healing from childhood trauma can be hard, but you don’t have to go it alone. In fact, you’re not meant to do it all on your own! Support systems—such as family, friends, peers, and a trauma-informed therapist—can make a powerful difference in how you recover, regulate, and reconnect.
Sadly, one of the most painful effects of childhood trauma is that we believe we’re not safe to be ourselves around others. Perhaps you learned early that your needs don’t matter. Or that speaking up will lead to punishment. Maybe you found trust only ended in betrayal.
Over time and with the right support, you can challenge those early beliefs and discover that connection is possible. And healing is real. Not only do support systems reduce feelings of isolation, but they also offer perspective and can even help regulate your nervous system. When you hear, “That shouldn’t have happened to you,” or when someone just listens without judgment, the validation can be deeply healing.
As one person shared, “I’ve been working on this trauma, and the validation has been incredibly freeing. I’ve never felt so seen or able to connect the dots.”
It can help you feel emotionally and physically safer, help you build stronger, healthier relationships, and develop new ways of coping. It can also help you set and hold healthy boundaries.
To build a more supportive network, you don’t necessarily need to turn to your family of origin, especially if it doesn’t feel safe. You can build a chosen family with people who see you, respect you, and genuinely want to be part of your healing journey. That may include:
- A licensed therapist or counselor with trauma-informed care/training
- Close friends who are willing to listen—without trying to fix you
- Peer support groups, which may be in person or online
- Spiritual or faith-based communities, as long as they align with your values
- Supportive partners who are open to understanding trauma dynamics.
To start building your network, remember to be honest about what kind of support you need. Do you need someone to listen to you? An accountability buddy? A safe space? You may want to make a list and adjust it as you go through the process.
It can be helpful to join online forums for trauma recovery communities to connect with others who have shared a similar experience and get it. Sometimes, the most healing words are, “me too.” Support groups and peer-led communities can create a sense of belonging that trauma often strips away. They can help you understand that you aren’t the only one carrying this type of pain. You can also learn from each other’s stories and coping strategies, especially on tough days.
Peer support isn’t a replacement for professional therapy. But it can be a highly valuable compliment. This is especially true if your history involves shame, isolation, or you’re “too much” for others.
Remember to communicate your boundaries. Be clear and kind. Don’t be afraid to audition therapists or groups—it’s okay to try a few before you find the one that feels right. And recall that as you grow and change, your relationships will, too. It’s okay to outgrow past relationships, especially if they don’t feel safe or validating. As you heal, your tolerance for toxic dynamics will shift. That’s good. You deserve relationships that support your growth. Being surrounded by people who honor your healing journey, without rushing it or trying to fix you, is essential.
Coping Skills and Daily Habits for Trauma Release
As powerful as therapy and support systems can be, true healing happens in your everyday choices. In how you care for yourself, set your boundaries, and respond to your own needs.
Childhood trauma often teaches us to ignore our own needs—to always be on guard or push through (or ignore) the pain. And learning how to nurture yourself with compassion can feel radical.
One person shared, “I’m always saying sorry. I feel guilty for speaking up. I avoid conflict at all costs—even when it means abandoning myself.” These patterns don’t shift overnight, but small, steady habits can create big change over time.
That starts with coping strategies, such as:
- Grounding practices like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: that is, name five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. You can also walk barefoot in the grass or touch something with texture. Another way to ground yourself is to describe your surroundings, anchoring yourself to where you are right now.
- Mindfulness and breath are simple yet powerful. Try gentle breathing exercises, such as inhaling for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling deeply for six. Mindfulness doesn’t just mean stilling still. You can reconnect with mindful eating, walking, or even listening. You can also find helpful mindfulness apps that are specifically designed with trauma in mind.
- Expressive outlets, such as journaling, creating music or art, or writing letters, allow you to put your thoughts and feelings on paper and release them. You don’t have to send or share them with anyone. Just the act of creating them allows you to release what’s inside.
- Connection and comfort, such as regular check-ins with trusted friends or your therapist, having a go-to playlist, a cozy blanket, or a calming scent, can all allow you to rest and reset—without guilt.
- Healthy routines can help you feel safer. That includes going to bed and waking up at regular times, eating nourishing meals, drinking water (and limiting caffeine and alcohol), moving your body daily, and limiting news or doomscrolling, which fuels fear and overwhelm. Consistent healthy routines may feel foreign, but they are often exactly what your overwhelmed brain and body crave. And they can help build resilience.
Where to Be Gentle
If you catch yourself falling into old patterns of shame (rather than awareness), it’s time to pause, breathe, and redirect. As you heal, it’s essential to avoid overworking or perfectionism, which can lead to feelings of distress. You also don’t want to ignore the signals your body provides—including hunger, fatigue, or stress. This isn’t a time to suppress your anger, sadness, or fear, or fall back into people-pleasing to maintain peace at any cost. Finally, this is your journey. Not anyone else’s. So, avoid comparisons.
Finally, remember that self-care isn’t an indulgence. It’s not going to the spa, soaking in a bubble bath, or treating yo-self. It’s a lifeline, especially for trauma survivors. It doesn’t need to be fancy or extensive. Self-care can sometimes be as simple as saying no, canceling plans to get the rest you need, brushing your teeth, or speaking kindly to yourself after a challenging moment.
Each time you check in with yourself, choose a nourishing habit, or reinforce that you’re worthy of care is an opportunity to heal. As one survivor explains, “I feel like I’m constantly pouring from an empty cup. Learning how to refill that cup—even a little—has made all the difference.”
How Long Does Healing Take? Factors and Variability
With any process—especially those that can feel painful—one of the biggest questions is, “How long is this going to take?”
Most of the time, the answer is it depends.
Healing is a deeply personal process. It’s influenced by many factors, including:
- The severity (e.g., a single event vs. chronic or complex trauma) and duration of the trauma
- The age it was experienced—trauma from early childhood often has deeper developmental impacts
- Your current support system, as well as your access to resources, therapy, and community
- Current life stressors, such as job insecurity, unstable housing, or health issues
- Cultural, religious, or family beliefs about trauma and mental health.
Some people begin to feel relief surprisingly quickly—within a few short months of consistent support. Others may need to gently unwind the effects over many months or years. Neither path is wrong or less effective.
Healing rarely progresses in a straight line. Some days, you may feel peaceful and grounded. Like you’re on the right track. Others, a smell, song, or memory can pull you into a deep spiral. That doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. It’s just part of the process.
Sometimes, it’s all about the timing: One person shared, “I thought I had dealt with everything until I hit my 30s. That’s when it all came crashing in. I had to leave my job just to function—and that was when real healing finally started.”
It can help to think of it like ocean waves. There’s a natural ebb and flow. Sometimes it’s calm; other times, it’s intense. Changing your focus can help. That is, instead of asking, how long will this take, try asking,
- What do I need today to feel a little more supported?
- What does my body need in this moment?
- What’s one small step I can take toward healing today or this week?
Trust that your healing process is underway, even on those days when it doesn’t feel like it.
Does Childhood Trauma Ever Fully Resolve?
The honest answer is, again, it depends. This time, on what “fully resolved” means to you. For many people, the intense pain, confusion, and overwhelm lessen over time. If you experienced panic attacks, they fade. Nightmares aren’t as frequent. Triggers become easier to manage. You may start to notice you can trust again. Or you laugh more readily. Ultimately, you feel safer in your own body and mind.
You may also notice:
- You pause before reacting and can choose your response
- You can respect your own needs and boundaries
- You don’t blame yourself for things that happened in childhood
- You can form healthier relationships (and avoid red flags)
- You feel less driven by shame or fear
Yet few survivors of childhood trauma forget or erase the past. They just know how to live with it—with compassion, clarity, strength, and resilience. As the experience is integrated, they feel a deeper sense of peace. Some liken it to living with scar tissue. The wound no longer bleeds, but there is evidence on the body.
One person reflected, “I still have CPTSD. I still get triggered. But I’ve built a life that feels real and mine. I know what safety feels like now—and I never had that before.”
Breaking the Cycle: Preventing Generational Trauma
Unfortunately, childhood trauma can echo across generations—affecting entire families rather than just the person who lived through it. Unhealed trauma can quietly shape how we communicate, navigate relationships, and even parent—without even realizing it.
Sometimes it’s because you’re not aware of therapy and tools it offers. Or maybe your family, culture, or religion doesn’t recognize the benefits of therapy. Perhaps there’s a history of abuse, neglect, and fear from your parents. And they coped by shutting down emotions or repeating harmful patterns. Maybe you’re the first person in your family or even community to say, “This ends with me!”
As one survivor wrote, “I grew up normalizing emotional neglect, manipulation, even abuse—because it was all I ever saw. Now I’m trying to do better, but I can see how much I’ve internalized.”
You don’t have to be perfect (there are no perfect parents) to stop generational trauma. You must, however, be conscious, willing, and committed to growth and healing. That often starts with curiosity—about your caregiver’s patterns and beliefs around emotions, discipline, love, and control.
Acknowledge the pain to honor your past, even if you don’t perceive it as bad as others around you. Then model healthier coping tools—such as emotional regulation, respectful communication, and setting boundaries. Talk with your kids (and younger family members) in ways that both validate their feelings and encourage them to open up in conversations.
Even if you don’t have (or want) children, seeking therapy can help you understand how past influences affect your relationships today. And when you show up differently in your relationships, you start to change the narrative.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone
Healing childhood trauma isn’t easy. But it’s a whole lot better than carrying it around. Every step you take to understand your past, build safety, and seek support is a step toward freedom.
And you don’t need to have all the answers before you take your first steps. You don’t need to heal perfectly or on a set timeline. You just need to keep showing up—with compassion, curiosity, and knowledge that you don’t have to navigate this work alone.
The truth is: you are not broken. The pain you feel makes sense. And there is help—and hope.
You’re doing incredibly brave work. Keep going. You’ve got this. For your next steps, consider:
- Reaching out to a trauma-informed therapist or counselor
- Joining a peer support group or online trauma recovery community
Finally, remember, healing is a journey, not a destination.
